The Big Race

Play On’s first foray into Formula One racing on September 20 was a mixed success in ways both literal and figurative. We raced in one of the premier events on the circuit — the ARTBox Derby in Princeton, NJ — and our entry, “Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride” broke the two-minute barrier on a difficult course. Never mind that the winning time was just under 19 seconds: a bunch of seniors not yet in diapers proved beyond all doubt they could compete against kids barely out of theirs.

The Derby’s sponsor, the Arts Council of Princeton, announced three prize categories before the race: Creativity (originality, artistry and/or showmanship); Greenness (best use of recycled and/or natural materials); and Speed (engineering the fastest coaster car).

We knew at the start that looks (HA!) not speed were our key to victory. Early concept vehicles included: nature visions, e.g. ” Ferns, moss, branches dead and alive, acorns, feathers, natural bits and pieces, a mossy bank, a flowing stream, koi, gentle breezes, and sparklers and fairy lights; or a beachy, Caribbean thing — very bright colors, flip flops, towel, fake palm tree, and a big fake parrot, etc. — an island paradise manned by people dressed like Bonnie and Clyde, (gangsters of old, anyway), or any kind of sub-rosa characters. Or for that matter, make the whole thing a black getaway car. Or wear Hawaiian shirts and drop the ganster theme.”

Also: a multi-headed monster, urban blight, a wagon filled with rags, or anything made out of pvc pipe and tulle.

In the end, our ideas began to coalesce around a gladiator’s golden chariot or one belonging to a god. From there, they just naturally evolved into a higher form: a dazzling carriage to transport a mustached Viking bride to her long-awaited, cross-dressing groom. (Go figure!)

Alas, the track officials seemed as confused about the prize categories as Chastity, our driver, was about her gender. We were penalized, it seemed, for not having anyone under 12 on our team, and using lots of verboten spray paint.  Or was ageism rearing its ugly head?

In the end, we chose not to call in the AARP thugs but let the youngsters have their day instead. It was enough for us that Chastity (and her chariot) crossed the finish line intact and lived happily ever after with her newfound hubby.

Photos below:

“Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride”

The Play-On Crew

Our formidable competition was apparent before the race even began:

The field assembled at the starting line for the ultimate test of racing machines:

Race _CD_Rom

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At the reception that followed the race, the happy couple enjoyed their first dance together as husband and wife — or is it wife and husband (?) — or neither (?) — or both (?) — oh, never mind:

First Dance_CD_Rom

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The Play-On wedding party (or pit crew depending on your taste in metaphors) poses for a formal portrait to commemorate this very special day:

NOTES & CREDITS:

Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Chastity’s bridal gown was handmade by the mother of the woman pictured above, third from right, for her daughter’s wedding more than three decades ago.  Play On considers it a minor miracle that Chastity had no trouble fitting into it.

No infants or children were harmed, or had their wagons stolen, by Play On in the course of preparing for this competition.

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